Your Horror Scopes For April

What does your star sign say about you?

Our resident astrologer, Nigelia Lawless Reveals All.

Capricorn
The Goat: You like grass (who doesn’t?). And you are the horny one. More about Capricorn.

Aquarius
The Water Bearer: It is really gin in your water pitcher. You are the drunk of the star signs. More about Aquarius.

Pisces
The Fish: Your future growth will come from online sources. A fan club has been formed. More about Pisces.

Aries
The Ram: You are not the Beast of the zodiac. You are a party animal. More about Aries.

Taurus
The Bull: You are full of BS – literally. But it is very decorative. More about Taurus.

Gemini
The Twins: You are two sides of the same coin. Your two halves rub along together well. More about Gemini.

Cancer
The Crab: You are Crabby, Grumpy and Stumpy. And you have cloth ears. More about Cancer.

Leo
The Lion: You are just a plaything. Are you really the 9 inches that you claim to be? More about Leo.

Virgo
The Virgin: Your trains suck, and so does your haircut. More about Virgo.

Libra
The Scales: Balance and Justice. You are Judge Dredd. And you will become him. More about Libra.

Scorpio
The Scorpion: A life of mortal combat. And you have bad dress sense. More about Scorpio.

Sagittarius
The Archer: There is no beginning to your talents. The penis mightier than the sword. More about Sagittarius.