The Dead Blog

Student: Hello, I wish to register a complaint...hello? Miss? Hello - Jane2?

Lecturer: What do you mean, Miss? just call me Ms, or Wolfgang (on a bad day).

Student: I wish to make a complaint.

Lecturer: Sorry, we're closed for Reading Week.

Student: Never mind that. I wish to complain about this Marketing Madness Blog that has been up on-line since the beginning of last term.

Lecturer: What's wrong with it?

Student: I'll tell you what's wrong with it my good woman (?!). It's dead, that's what's wrong with it.

Lecturer: No, no, it's resting, look!

Student: Look my good woman (?!), I know a dead Blog when I see one, and I'm looking at one right now.

Lecturer: No no, it's not dead, it's just resting.

Student: Alright then then, if it's resting, I'll wake it up! Hello Janey Waney! I've got a nice slug of red wine for you when you wake up - here Janey Waney!

Lecturer: Look - it moved.

Student: No it didn't. It fell over. That's why they call it the falling-down water - it was Jane2 falling down trying to reach the next glass of wine.

Lecturer: No it wasn't.

Student: Yes it was! (student tries to leave comment on Blog and gets moderator auto-response) Hello Janey Waney. Wake up, Janey Waney (student then hacks into Blog and tries to leave a rude comment and still gets moderator auto-response).Now that's what I call a dead Blog.

Lecturer: No, no. It's stunned.

Student: Look, I've had just about enough of this. That Blog is definitely deceased. and when I tried to use it, you assured me that its lack of response was due to it being tired and shagged out from multiple postings and incessant student comments.

Lecturer: It's probably pining for the fjords.

Student: Pining for the fjords, what kind of talk is that? Look - why did it fall flat on its back the moment we tried to use it?

Lecturer: The Janey Waney prefers kipping on her back. What a beautiful bird, lovely plumage!

Student: Look, I took the liberty of examining that Blog, and I discovered the only reason that it was still on-line was because it had been nailed there and linked to other course Blogs.

Lecturer: Well of course it had to be nailed there - otherwise it would have upped and gone off with Thierry and a Va Va Voom.

Student: Look matey - this Blog couldn't Va Va Voom if you put four thousand volts up its arse. It's bleedin' demised!

Lecturer: It's not, it's pining!

Student: It's not pining, it's passed on. This Blog is no more! It has ceased to be. It's expired and gone to meet its maker - the big Blogger in the Sky Movies. This is a late Blog, It's a stiff. Bereft of life, it rests in peace. if you hadn't tried to leave comments on it - it would be pushing up the daisies. It's rung down the curtain and joined the choir invisible. This is an ex-Blog.

Lecturer: Oh Well - we'd better replace it then.

Student: If you want to get anything done in this place, you've got to complain until you're Blogged in the mouth.

Lecturer: Sorry - we haven't got any more Blogs for this course.

Student: I see. I see. I get the FlikR.

Lecturer: I got a slug. (of wine - That will keep Janey Waney quiet for a while).

Student: Does it talk?

Lecturer: Not really, No.

Postscript: With thanks to Wolfie for sending me this variation on the Dead Blog theme. Enjoy!