Janey's Mince Pies

These break all the rules of pastry making - but are absolutely wonderful - I promise. I cook them in a big batch because they are so popular - I make them for other people.

To make c. 70 - 80 mince pies (they won't last long - believe me), you will need:

A large jar (approx 800 gm) of the best quality mincemeat you can find. This is worth paying for - don't waste your money on the cheap and nasty stuff. This year I used Waitrose top of the range mincemeat - and it's lovely!

Small tub glace cherries.
Small pack flaked almonds.
Bottle brandy or cherry brandy or apricot brandy (a minature is about the right size - but if you prefer to buy a bigger bottle, you can always drink the rest!).

Pastry quantities are half fat to flour, half sugar to fat.
Fat = half margarine (block marg. e.g. Stork) + half vegetable shortening (e.g. Trex)

2lb SELF RAISING flour
1 lb fat (8oz Stork, 8oz Trex)
8 oz castor sugar

Sorry - I don't know what the pastry quantities are in metric - I'm an Imperial gal myself.

Water to mix

A little milk to glaze

I make these up in two batches of 1lb flour. Trying to make pastry with a quantity larger than this is pretty unmanageable.

Put the flour in a bowl (I don't bother with all that sieving nonsense that these celebrity cooks will have you do - these mince pies work perfectly well without mucking about doing that).

Cut up the fat into small pieces and rub into the flour. Once it resembles breadcrumbs, stir in the castor sugar. Then slowly add water and mix with a knife and then your hands until the mixture is a light dough. It should come clean away from the edges of the bowl but shouldn't be sticky (too wet) or crumbly (too dry).

Put the dough in a polythene bag (I split it into two and use two large sandwich bags) and chill in the fridge for about half an hour.

Put the oven on to heat up. Gas mark around 5-6, circotherm 170-180. (sorry - I don't know exactly what it is on a standard electric oven - around 400F, I think).

Meanwhile, put half of the jar of mincemeat into a bowl. Chop up glace cherries into quarters (as many as you think you'd like - I use around half a medium tub) and add to the mincemeat. Take a couple of handfuls of the flaked almonds and just crush in the palm of your hand until in fairly small-ish pieces. Stir these into the mincemeat. Then add around half a bottle (a minature!) of brandy. Mix it all together.

When the pastry has chilled (after about half an hour), roll it out on a floured work surface. You should roll out as thinly as you can - because the flour is self-raising, the pastry expands when it cooks anyway.

I work the pastry in two batches - otherwise it's a bit too big to be easily manageable.

Cut out rounds with pastry cutters (around 3" / 7 cms) and put in lightly greased patty / pie tins. This quantity should make around 36 (3 trays) of mince pies.

Put around 1 tspn of mincemeat in each pastry case, then cut out a round of pastry using a cutter the next size down (approx. 2.5" / 6cms) to make the lids. Brush the lids around the edge with a little water - which will seal the lid to the pie base - and press onto each pie.

Slit the top of each pie with a sharp knife - brush with a little milk to glaze and bake in the oven (circotherm around 170-180, Gas 5-6) for about 15 minutes.

When cooked, the lids will be slightly golden. Leave in the tins for about 1 minute when they come out of the oven (otherwise they will break up when you try to take them out) - then take out of the patty / pie tins and cool on a wire cooling rack.

Tip: To remove from patty / pie tins - ease a non-stick spatula under the base to loosen the mince pie slightly, and then just push it out. It should come clean out. I only get the odd one or two that stick or break on exit - and so - just eat those - they're the QA test samples.

Next - make the second batch with the next half of mincemeat and the next 1lb of flour in the same way.

Then, when you've finished - make a nice cup of tea, sit down and enjoy a warm, just out of the oven, mince pie (or three).

Happy Christmas!

Wolfgang Comes Out

That famous vertically challenged star of page, spleen and the Former Day Church of the Six Week Morons finally comes out of the broom cupboard.

Wolfgang – or Wolfie as he’s known to his friends – shot to fame with his box office smash hit – Mission Exfoliation. After a series of unproductive relationships at work, Wolfie became box cutter poison for a while, but he’s now on the up and up again with the birth of his new purple lycra top, designed and made especially for him by Jane Bun the Second.

Bollywood rumours are that Jane Bun the Second is a good friend of Wolfie’s and shares his love of Battlestar Galactica. The couple are both denying any relationship, insisting that they have their own separate BitTorrents.

Ruth's Chestnut Stuffing

This is the first in a series of recipes for the Christmas season that caters for both the cook and his / her guests.

I shall be entertaining this Christmas (am I ever anything else?....)

So I am starting off with Ruth's fantabulous home made chestnut stuffing.

Ruth is my late Mother and the inventor of this recipe. She died in the 1980s when still a young woman. Breast cancer. Here is a picture of Ruth and me (SJ) in 1973. Ruth is on your left and I am on your right. Spooky likeness, huh?

So - enjoy this recipe and - please - raise your glasses to Ruth when you make this, eat it or pass it on to a friend.

The recipe is in two parts, one part for the dish itself (which Ruth did) and one part for the cook (which I did - Mum, you'd be proud of me...XXX)

So....off we jolly well go...

Recipe for Chestnut Stuffing:

600 gm fresh chestnuts (Waitrose organic highly recommended)
3 quarters pint stock (vegetable or bouillon cube, only use beef if you absolutely have to).
4 ozs fresh brown breadcrumbs
Grated rind of half lemon
Squeeze lemon juice from the above half lemon
Freshly ground black pepper
2 ozs butter - preferably salted, not the unsalted, been invented by the Health Police variety and DEFINITELY NOT low fat / olive oil / low cholestrol / polyunsaturates (or anything else) spread
1 small onion, peeled & chopped
Milk to bind (any fat variety version ok)

Items for the cook:

1 bottle good, robust wine (Pinot Grigio tends to work well)
1 x i-Pod or MP3 player stacked up with loads of decent tunes
Nail clippers / nail file

Method:

Take a sharp knife and slit the chestnut skins. Cook the chestnuts in boiling water for 5 minutes.
Drain and peel the chestnuts.

This is where you need wine, music, sharp knife, decent nails and patience. The skins are damned hard and fixed on tight. When the chestnuts are warm it's not so bad. As they cool, the skins get tighter and much, much more of a bitch to remove.

I started off with I Feel Love (Donna Summer), moved on to Like a Virgin (Madonna), Sailing by Rod Stewart and then chose 19th Nervous Breakdown (Stones) and finally Hansel & Gretel's Cottage singing Billie Jean for my Chestnut finale.

After the chestnuts are peeled is when you need the nail clippers. By now any nails that you had will be trashed and broken, and possibly a bit sore. Clip and file your nails as necessary.

Now return the peeled chestnuts to the pan with the stock, simmer for about 30 minutes until tender.

In the meanwhile, drink another glass of Pinot Grigio and place the breadcrumbs, grated lemon and seasoning in a bowl.

The chestnuts tend to absorb the stock - which gives you a clue when the 30 minutes are up - it's once all the stock has gone and just before the saucepan starts burning.

Once the chestnuts are cooked - Ruth's recipe says to sieve or puree them. Can I just say - I remember watching my Mum (Ruth) doing this. Standing over a sieve for hours on end with these damn chestnuts. She used to make batches of this for people she knew - the stuffing was very popular, but very hard work for Ruth.

If you want to do it Ruth's way - the one bottle of Pinot Grigio really isn't enough. If you are truly going to sit (or stand or sway) and push these damned chestnuts through a sieve - then someone is going to have to buy you a serious drink, or employ someone to do this for you.

These days we have food processors and / or blenders. OK - but when you put the chestnuts in - the chestnut puree becomes very thick and the blades look in danger of sticking with the weight of the chestnuts, which aren't very - shall we say - very liquid. So - I popped in the juice of half of a lemon and a little water - just to get the chestnuts to move around a bit in the food processor. It worked!

Thinking about it - I could have given those chestnuts a drop of my Pinot Grigio.....no....that's far too generous.

In the meanwhile, melt the 2 0zs butter, add the chopped onion and fry gently for 5 minutes until soft.

Stir the onion & butter into the mixture. Mix well and bind together with milk as necessary.

Actually - the mixture is very thick and viscose - you need to be patient. but it does work if you keep at it.

I like to freeze the stuffing for future occasions. And - this is how you do it. Take a freezer-proof bowl / dish ( as many as you need). Line with foil, brush with melted butter from the pan used to fry the onion (use the residue) put in the chestnut stuffing. Cover with cling film and then foil and freeze until needed!

By now you should have finished the Pinot Grigio. If you haven't - you should be ashamed of yourself!