The Dead Blog

Student: Hello, I wish to register a complaint...hello? Miss? Hello - Jane2?

Lecturer: What do you mean, Miss? just call me Ms, or Wolfgang (on a bad day).

Student: I wish to make a complaint.

Lecturer: Sorry, we're closed for Reading Week.

Student: Never mind that. I wish to complain about this Marketing Madness Blog that has been up on-line since the beginning of last term.

Lecturer: What's wrong with it?

Student: I'll tell you what's wrong with it my good woman (?!). It's dead, that's what's wrong with it.

Lecturer: No, no, it's resting, look!

Student: Look my good woman (?!), I know a dead Blog when I see one, and I'm looking at one right now.

Lecturer: No no, it's not dead, it's just resting.

Student: Alright then then, if it's resting, I'll wake it up! Hello Janey Waney! I've got a nice slug of red wine for you when you wake up - here Janey Waney!

Lecturer: Look - it moved.

Student: No it didn't. It fell over. That's why they call it the falling-down water - it was Jane2 falling down trying to reach the next glass of wine.

Lecturer: No it wasn't.

Student: Yes it was! (student tries to leave comment on Blog and gets moderator auto-response) Hello Janey Waney. Wake up, Janey Waney (student then hacks into Blog and tries to leave a rude comment and still gets moderator auto-response).Now that's what I call a dead Blog.

Lecturer: No, no. It's stunned.

Student: Look, I've had just about enough of this. That Blog is definitely deceased. and when I tried to use it, you assured me that its lack of response was due to it being tired and shagged out from multiple postings and incessant student comments.

Lecturer: It's probably pining for the fjords.

Student: Pining for the fjords, what kind of talk is that? Look - why did it fall flat on its back the moment we tried to use it?

Lecturer: The Janey Waney prefers kipping on her back. What a beautiful bird, lovely plumage!

Student: Look, I took the liberty of examining that Blog, and I discovered the only reason that it was still on-line was because it had been nailed there and linked to other course Blogs.

Lecturer: Well of course it had to be nailed there - otherwise it would have upped and gone off with Thierry and a Va Va Voom.

Student: Look matey - this Blog couldn't Va Va Voom if you put four thousand volts up its arse. It's bleedin' demised!

Lecturer: It's not, it's pining!

Student: It's not pining, it's passed on. This Blog is no more! It has ceased to be. It's expired and gone to meet its maker - the big Blogger in the Sky Movies. This is a late Blog, It's a stiff. Bereft of life, it rests in peace. if you hadn't tried to leave comments on it - it would be pushing up the daisies. It's rung down the curtain and joined the choir invisible. This is an ex-Blog.

Lecturer: Oh Well - we'd better replace it then.

Student: If you want to get anything done in this place, you've got to complain until you're Blogged in the mouth.

Lecturer: Sorry - we haven't got any more Blogs for this course.

Student: I see. I see. I get the FlikR.

Lecturer: I got a slug. (of wine - That will keep Janey Waney quiet for a while).

Student: Does it talk?

Lecturer: Not really, No.

Postscript: With thanks to Wolfie for sending me this variation on the Dead Blog theme. Enjoy!

It's Restaurant Rip-Off Day Again

Happy Restaurant Rip-Off Day!

It only comes once a year - so all those restaurants and their marketers rub their hands together with glee when they see you all coming for the twice the price romantic dinner, in the overbooked and over-crowded restaurant, along with the vendor of the single rose at an inflated price.

Why not try something new this year? I can recommend Law's Garden, my local Chinese take away in Harrow. and they do home delivery. This is good food, fairly priced and delivered when they say it will be (not the mini cab "it'll be 10 minutes Madam").

Law's also has a configuration management system for its menu items that will astound even the most hardened project manager. see an example from the menu below - look at the numbering of the dishes.

A prize to anyone who can explain the logic of that.

So - that's my dinner sorted for tonight.

Now onto a more serious matter.

Today is the day when our focus is on The Heart. Which is something very close to my own Heart. Please give generously to an organisation that does a lot to mend broken hearts, so that it can continue its excellent work.

If it wasn't for the work of this organisation and others like it, I might not have been around to enjoy my Restaurant Rip-Off Day this year. Please give generously.

What A Knit

Due to my enforced rest last year, all my friends and family received hand knits this Christmas - scarves, hats, gloves and socks. Here are some friends modelling some of my creations. First we have Janette in fake fur hand-knitted scarf and gloves with matching trim. And Andrew wearing a highly stylised hat, purpose designed for the man with the outdoor job.



And here we have Mini wearing as many of her items as she could at the same time. A foxy fake fur trimmed bolero, knitted in aran, and a scarf and cloche hat ensemble.

One of my biggest achievements last year was learning how to knit socks on circular needles.

My order book for funky socks has been full ever since I started giving them out as Christmas gifts. My sitting room is beginning to look like a Socks R Us factory. Here are a few that are awaiting being posted off to the lucky recipients.


Photos courtesy of Iain's new camera. Thanks Matt for your help in selecting it.